No Moshing originally wrote this post, but then the computer ate it, so he got mad and went to play Sleeping Dogs.
Anyhoo, I’m sure people are concerned/curious about how my recent vitrectomy (fancy way of “putting your retina back” surgery) went.
The short version: it failed. My retina, once it detached got caught in bunch of other shit in my eye that was dislodged or leaked in during the initial injury. They had nothing to work with to put back. So they cleaned it up, sewed me up and sent me home. Until other advances in medical science are available, I won’t be able to see out of my right eye.
The long version: it faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaailed. (I kid.)
After being informed of my retinal detachment, I was advised the doctor (and his fellows) they wanted to try 2 procedures. The first was a lens replacement. My lens took some damage or got dirty and they wanted to swap it out. The second was the vitrectomy. The vitrectomy had two parts: cryopexy and the air exchange. The cryopexy is using liquid nitrogen to freeze the retina and lasers (you know lasers had to be involved at some point) to stick it back. They’d replace the vitreous humor (inner eye liquid) with a silicon based oil. If they felt the retina needed some extra help, they’d do an air exchange. Simply put, put a tiny air bubble into my eye and use that air bubble to hold the retina in place while it heals. However this second procedure requires you to stay face down, constantly, for about seven days. While that didn’t sound like fun, the promise of having two eyes actually doing their job outweighed the “how the hell am I gonna sleep on my front when I’m a fucking double-D?”
In the following week, I had pre-admission (boo) where we were given a shit ton of literature about what to expect (aka “how to know when shit’s gone wrong”) and how to care for a person stuck face down. We were also given the name of a person who rents mattresses and chairs for people who receive this procedure so you’re not stuck cannibalizing a lawn chair. (Dear God I love you employer health care plan that covers fancy chair expenses). No Moshing may have had a minor freak out when he realized that he would be stuck watching my face down ass rather than being admitting to hospital and having nurses to dote on me. [Actually, this pre-admission visit kicked off about a week where I regressed completely and did little more than play video games and eat sweets, which lead to my emo bullshit post last Wednesday. Sorry. -NM]
On the night before the surgery I had to stop all eating, drinking and all meds (including my pain killers from the last surgery…) at midnight. So in the morning I was a bit grumpy. Cuz it still hurt. And nervous. Do you know they keep you awake (but high) for this operation? We get to the hospital where I proceed to wait. A lot. Which does wonders for nerves. They get me prepped, put the damn IV on the inside of my wrist (which I later learn is the most painful place for it) because my veins are too well camouflaged. And they I have to wait more.
When I finally get wheeled away, I’m a stupid weepy wreck. Which goes away once I finally get the “relaxants” (get high). To their credit, I didn’t feel much of what they were doing. And what I could feel wasn’t painful. However since I was still awake, I did hear enough of the prognosis – they couldn’t salvage the retina. Put in the new lens, since they were already in there, and close me up. But on the plus side – no face down! I can sit how I want. Now when I later related this to my mom and NoMoshing, they didn’t believe me. You see the doc would see us on the following day to discuss the prognosis, they didn’t get a post-surgery visit.
After surgery I got moved to the room where you come down from the meds before we release your ass back into the wild. I came down pretty quick. Sadly I had to wait because they didn’t believe me. And they couldn’t take out the goddamn IV because they were giving me fluids.
My trip home was crap because the painkillers had worn off so my poor stitched up eye felt every bump and turn and sudden stop. Because I got released during rush hour. It was a 2 hour trip home. Also this is when the nausea kicks in. Luckily I managed to keep the three cookies (all I had eaten that day) down. Once home, I get dosed up with tylenol (the strongest painkiller I’m allowed to take) and gravol and sleep until 5ish in the morning since we had to be back at the clinic for 7:30 am to get the post-operation check and prognosis.
The doctor’s check confirms what I overheard in the operating room. At this point, their efforts will be based around making sure I can keep the eye for cosmetic reasons (it still moves around with the left and is less creepy than a glass eye, assuming it heals up okay and stops being a bloodshot mess) and to make sure it’s not in pain (if it is, it means an infection or something got in and the entire eye will have to be removed.) I get sent home with a pretty depressed family (my mom having taken it the worst, having had the highest expectations) to absorb the news and get back to recovering. Which I’m still doing now. Woot woot.
Anyway, thank you all for your good wishes, support, and above all, patience these last few weeks. No Moshing should be back on track soon, and we can put this incident behind us.